watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
