Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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