i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
