Swine flu. Run for my life!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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