Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She even gives head with a lisp.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
