I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
