Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
