oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My dick has a subreddit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
