he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You need a sexual gate keeper
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
