My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
