If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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