woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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