positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
