can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
