Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
