Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
