You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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