I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
