perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
