YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
