hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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