Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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