GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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