dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
