What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
