Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
