so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
