From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
