i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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