i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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