Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Couch. On fire.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
