I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
