You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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