I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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