Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
