you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
