He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
