Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have demons in me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
