you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
