ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
