Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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