peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
