Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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