Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
