I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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