I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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