i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize