just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
