You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
