i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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