my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
