You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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