so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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