I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
