I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
