genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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