Soap is not a condiment
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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