I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
