I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have feelings that need drinking.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
