Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
