Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This toilet bowl is my home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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