Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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