i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
