i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
