you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
