Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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