i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
